To better understand why some women choose to have a lover, a study by the dating site Gleeden surveyed 11,000 married women and uncovered some surprising truths.

One of the most eye-catching findings was that a majority—seven out of ten—prefer their lovers to be younger, with the ideal age being around 34. This preference appears tied to how younger men make these women feel—more appreciated, youthful, and desirable. Many participants in the study revealed that having a younger lover gave them a boost in self-esteem. These men, unlike their husbands or partners, showed genuine interest in their lives, asked questions about their work, and paid attention to the small things, which made them feel seen and important. In contrast, they felt that men their own age had grown indifferent or simply stopped noticing them altogether. This lack of attention and emotional connection was one of the main drivers behind their decisions.

Communication, or rather the lack of it, also played a significant role. The study found that couples who spend less than thirty minutes a day talking are far more likely to experience infidelity. When daily conversations are rushed, limited to logistics, or missing altogether, women start to feel emotionally isolated. Over time, that silence builds a wall, and many find themselves turning to someone else—often someone who listens, engages, and makes them feel heard again. Another major factor was a lack of affection and appreciation. A majority of the women in the study said they didn’t feel loved or valued in their marriages. They missed the little gestures, the compliments, and the feeling of being cherished. It wasn’t just about grand romantic displays—it was about their partner noticing when they were down, saying thank you, or showing affection in small but meaningful ways.

When those moments disappeared, so did their sense of emotional connection. Lack of empathy from their husbands was also a common complaint. Many women shared that they didn’t feel their partners could understand their emotional needs or grasp what they were going through. This lack of emotional support made them feel alone in the relationship, even if their partner was physically present. And when they met someone who did listen, who did care, it was hard to resist the comfort that brought. In some cases, the decision to have a lover came from a place of revenge. Several women admitted they had seen their husbands cheat but didn’t want to end the marriage for a variety of reasons—financial stability, children, or simply because they still cared on some level.

Instead of leaving, they chose to even the score by having their own secret relationships. For others, infidelity was about unmet physical needs. Love may still exist in the marriage, but when intimacy disappears or becomes unsatisfying, they quietly look elsewhere to fulfill that part of their life without shaking up the rest of it. They often keep these affairs hidden, believing that as long as their emotional loyalty remains with their husband, they aren’t doing real damage. Lastly, one of the most frequent explanations given by women who cheat is the feeling of not being loved. They don’t feel special, attractive, or important to their spouse anymore. Over time, that emotional void becomes too large to ignore. When someone new comes along and gives them the kind of attention they crave, the temptation to step outside the marriage becomes too strong to resist. While the reasons behind female infidelity are complex and deeply personal, the themes in the study point toward emotional neglect, lack of communication, and the basic human need to feel loved and valued. These women weren’t necessarily looking to destroy their marriages—in many cases, they still loved their husbands—but they were looking for something that had gone missing, something they hoped to find in someone else.